


Give Me A Reason To Stay ft. Bokuto

by NekoNekoNekoma



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:54:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27369859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NekoNekoNekoma/pseuds/NekoNekoNekoma
Summary: “I’ve been having real bad dreams.”“You used to lay so close to me.”
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 8





	1. Authors Page

H E L L O! 

Welcome to my Bokuto FanFiction! 

It’s one of the first I’ve written as a “series” in a L O N G, L O N G time! 

I’m normally a one shot type of gal; but here we are! 

I hope you enjoy the angst coming your way.

✨ I have not done an edit this series yet. I’m just trying to move everything over from Wattpad! ✨


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”
> 
> -Gautama Buddha, Sayings Of Buddha

Bokuto furrowed his eyebrows as he studied his phone, noticing a lack of response from his girlfriend, who on any other day, would be blowing up his phone with memes for him to giggle at during his breaks. 

However today was different, SHE had been different lately and he felt like there was a rock in his stomach as his mind wander to very dark spaces. He knew she had struggled in the past with her mental health, but surely — 

“Akaashi?” Bokuto said with his voice wavering slightly, the setter wrinkled his brows at the worry coming from his friend. 

“Yes?” He replied, closing the small distance between them, glancing between Bokuto and the grip he had on his phone. The Ace had already made up his mind, he was leaving to go check on her, something didn’t feel right. 

“Do you still have a key to Y/N’s house?” He asked softly, not looking up as he sent another text to his girlfriend, sending a quick prayer that she would answer. 

Akaashi felt a chill run up his back, Bokuto rarely, if ever, had a soft and concerned tone, which also set his teeth on edge. ”... why?” 

Running a frustrated hand through his silver and black hair, Bokuto finally looked up at his best friend. “We got into a really big fight last night and I haven’t heard from her- at all. She didn’t answer my phone calls or texts.” 

Letting out a small sigh, the black haired male clapped his friend on the shoulder. “Maybe she’s just mad? Give her space.”

Shaking his hand off his shoulder, the captain let out a groan, glancing down yet again to check his phone for missed messages. “No Akaashi. It’s different. She’s been sad lately and then she blew up over trash last night and kicked me out of her house. And I just — what If she’s not okay? Her parents are out of town as well, so I just— I feel really off... somethings wrong.” 

Unease sprang within the vice captains stomach, “Bokuto. I know it’s virtually not my business but .... does Y/N have a history of self harm?” 

Chewing on his lip, he contemplated - how mad would you be if you found out that he had told Akaashi? He realized in that moment it wasn’t worth waiting another moment. His best friend needed to understand how serious this was, that this wasn’t just another situation that Bokuto was getting riled up for no reason, he was really concerned. 

So, after letting out a deep breath he clenched his hand around the phone, not meeting Akaashi’s gaze as he told him everything. “She has... in the past. Kuroo said he found her last time, saved her life. And she’d been to therapy: everything was fine. SHE was fine. But she’s been so stressed with exams and I’m pretty sure her parents are fighting, again. She’s been having a hard time lately. But she just hasn’t been herself and I just- Akaashi I’m worried.” 

Reaching down to grab his phone and water bottle, the pretty setter nodded. “Let me try calling her as we walk- okay? Let’s go.” 

Bokuto nodded and yelled that they were leaving. Neither stopped as Akaashi called that he’d shoot them a text, quickly following behind the taller boy. 

Pulling out his own phone to call his other friend, who just so happened to be related to Y/N, he really hoped the Nekoma captain had spoken to her. Even when she had been mad before, she’d still talk to Kuroo. Maybe he had heard from her, he felt his heart clench as he and Akaashi made their way towards her house. Bokuto was doing his best to quell the panic building within him. 

“Bokuto! What’s up man?” Came Kuroo’s voice, surprise evident. “Shouldn’t you be at practice?” 

By passing pleasantries, he spoke very quickly. “Hey. Have you talked to Y/N?” 

Bo looked at Akaashi who shook his head pulling the phone away from his ear. Bokuto felt his eyes widen as he waited with baited anticipation for Kuroo’s response, his pace quickening. 

After a few seconds, which felt like hours, of silence- the bed headed male spoke. “Actually, not today. Now that you mention it. She didn’t come to school today— why?” 

Feeling his heart dropped to his feet, Bokuto broke into a trot. “Akaashi. She didn’t go to school, we have to get there! Now!” 

Nodding in response the pair began to run quicker towards the house. 

“Bokuto! What’s going on?” Came Kuroo’s voice from the phone, Bokuto thrust the phone at Akaashi who took it and held it to his ear as his friend began to run faster than he had ever seen. 

“Hey Kuroo. It’s Akaashi, Bo said that they got into a fight snd he hasn’t heard from her in 24 hours. And her parents are apparently out of town- so he is worried.” 

A string of explicit terms fell from Kuroo’s lips. “I’m leaving now. I’ll meet you there!” 

Hanging up the phone, Akaashi pushed the phone in his pocket and quickened his pace to catch up to his captain.


	3. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself.”
> 
> -Shannon L. Alder

There were moments in life he’d never forget. 

He’d never forget the first time she smiled at him.   
He’d never forget the first time she came to his game.   
He’d also never forget that time that she ate too much ramen and threw it up all over his shoes. 

But one of his favorite memories was when she first said she loved him. He could still feel the warmth of her hands as she held him still and said “i love you” one summer afternoon. He never wanted to forget that precious moment. 

It was all that kept the hope alive in his heart as he bounced from foot to foot as Akaashi used his key to open the front door. 

Brushing past the dark haired boy quickly, Bokuto began to yell her name as he searched the area in front of him, before bounding up the stairs. “Y/N! Y/N!” 

Akaashi followed behind him, glancing down to see her things at the front door. “She’s here somewhere Bo!” He called after watching him run up the stairs before doing a quick sweep of the bottom level. 

Bokuto bolted into her room and noticed the bed was messy as was the rest of her room. It was very uncharacteristic of her to have her room in such a state. Now that he thought about it, she hadn’t been inviting him up to her room as much lately, he thought it was just because her parents were causing a stink about it. But didn’t think about it much beyond that. He bit his lip in frustration with himself, why hadn’t he seen the signs?! 

“Y/N?” He said gently, approaching the messy bed, noting that there was a giant body shaped lump. Gently he reached down, moved the blanket snd saw that there was nothing there but a bundle of clothes buried underneath. Frown deepening, he glanced around the room again as he stood up. “Come on Y/N, where are you?” He said aloud, taking a step towards her bedroom door when a low voice caught his attention. 

“Go away.”

A mixed feeling of both panic and elation ricocheted throughout his body as he quickly bound towards her bathroom door. “Y/N!” He exclaimed loudly, hearing the click of a lock as his hand landed on the knob, causing him to knock on the door. “Baby, come on. Let me in. I’ve been so worried about you! I’m sorry we had that argument. I love you. Please, please let me in.” 

“Go away.” She repeated, her voice softer than before, it was as though she was fading away and Bokuto did not like that one bit. 

Knocking again on the door while simultaneously trying to wiggle the door knob, he attempted to keep his voice steady. “Baby- let me in. Come on. You’re scaring me.” 

“Kou?” Akaashi said walking in with a winded Kuroo trailing behind, his eyes wide in surprise. 

Bokuto noticed the panic that danced across the Nekoma captains face at the state of her room. They both felt incredibly guilty that they did not see the signs. This was not their Y/N. 

Kuroo met Bokuto’s eyes after doing a glance around, a question that needed to be answered. 

“She locked the door. I can’t get in.” Bo said quietly, his face grim. 

Concern exploded across Kuroo’s features as   
he pushed past Bokuto, doing his best to wiggle the door knob to try and get to his cousin. “Y/N! Come on it’s Tetsu. Let me in.” 

“Tetsu.. too late..” she whispered as her vision started to go dark on the other side of the door. “G.. go away.” 

In the moments that followed, Akaashi could only watch as the two captains exchanged words without a sound before raising their legs to break down the door. Everything happened so quickly, he didn’t even remember calling the ambulance. 

But he could never forget the pained noise that left Bokuto’s mouth that day. It was a sound he hoped to never hear again. 

“Y/N!” Bokuto screamed, crossing the bathroom in two steps to pick her limp body up. “No!” He shouted feeling her weakened pulse, shaking his head back snd forth as he held her gently. “You can’t leave me here. Wake up, come on baby. Wake up. Don’t leave me. Hold on- I still need you. Please. Come back. Don’t- don’t do this.” 

Kuroo felt hot tears gather as he watched the exchange before taking action, they had maybe minutes at this point snd every second counted. He crossed the bathroom, his face grim as he bent down level with his friend. “Bo- we have to get her to the hospital.” 

Bo didn’t want to let her go, but allowed Kuroo to take her from him, following blindly as the middle blocker bolted out of the house, telling Akaashi they didn’t have time to wait.


	4. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I should be happy, but instead I feel nothing. I feel a lot of nothing these days. I've cried a few times, but mostly I'm empty, as if whatever makes me feel and hurt and laugh and love has been surgically removed, leaving me hollowed out like a shell.” 
> 
> -Jennifer Niven, All the Bright Place

When they’d arrived at the hospital, Kuroo explained and they quickly took her away, yelling words and phrases that went over Bokuto’s head. Kuroo fought to quell the rising panic, the last time he had brought her here snd rhe memories threatened to over take him. 

Last time she’d cut so deep, and it was a scar that never fully healed. He’d only barely arrived snd it had been an accident. He had gotten his dates for studying mixed up. So when he showed up, he’d found her in her bathroom, still warm but life less. 

It’s a day the middle blocker will NEVER forget, ever. He’s the one who drove her to therapy, nearly everyday. He pushed her to get better and to learn how to TALK. It had even at one point caused a problem because he became too overbearing. And it was during a practice match that he’d introduced her to Bokuto. 

And want a good thing that had been. His friend from Fukurodani had turned out to be the best thing for her, he had never seen her happier. Bokuto understood the dark places she could go, but he was always really good at bringing her out of them. He pushed her, made her better. And soon enough, the situation had become a bitter memory. Things had been good. She had been good, she had been better. 

Her parents had started taking trips again.   
Albeit, short ones. But still- everything was getting back to a place of normalcy. 

Until now. 

Kuroo’s stomach clenched as he noticed that Bokuto looked uneasy and nauseous. Shooting a look at Akaashi, the setter nodded in response and took a step towards Bokuto, ready to catch him if he fell. 

Putting both hands on his head, he let out a loud sigh as he turned away and walked away from the pair, his heart racing a mile a minute. He knew he needed to call her parents, he knew what he needed to do. But doing it was a whole different situation. 

Bokuto didn’t know when his legs gave out but Akaashi caught him and helped him down. 

Turning back around, Kuroo crossed the floor to help out the pretty setter- “Bo, come on dude. Let’s get you to a chair.” 

The deflated ace didn’t say anything as Akaashi and Kuroo helped him to a chair in the lobby, his body limp and he wasn’t looking at anything but the floor. 

Once he was situated, Kuroo stood back up. “I’ve got to call her parents....” he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. 

The dark haired male let out a sigh. “Okay. I’ll stay here with him.” 

“Should I call them?” The dual colored hair male asked suddenly, glancing at the Nekoma captain. 

A shocked look expanded across Kuroo’s face and he shook it away. “No. You — you just sit here and take a few minutes. I’ll handle this.” 

Looking back at the ground with his hands on his knees. Kuroo and Akaashi exchanged glances over his head. “Kuroo?” Bo spoke and the male in question made a “hmm” sound in response. 

“She’s going to be okay right? She’s going to live isnt she?” He asked, squeezing his hands into fists, fear and sadness wrestling inside his chest. 

The middle blocker’s heart clenched as he looked down at Bo and Akaashi watched as a deep sadness walked across Kuroo’s face. “Bo.” 

Akaashi sighed, placing a hand on his shoulder, attempting to comfort him. “Bokuto, she’s a strong girl... I’m sure —“ 

“BUT SHE DOESN’T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE!” He shouted, shocking both of his friends. “HOW CAN SHE BE OKAY IF SHE DOESN’T EVEN WANT TO LIVE?!” Bokuto shouted, standing up and bringing both his hands to his hair in frustration. 

“Bokuto.” Akaashi said with a firm tone standing up as well, and Bokuto glanced up at him, feeling only slightly embarrassed at his outburst. “Let’s take a walk.” 

Kuroo closed his eyes and let out another deep rooted sigh. “Yes. I think you guys should do that. I’m going to call her parents. She’ll be in there a minute, but I’ll stay right here.” 

Watching as the pair walked out the doors, Kuroo threw himself down into the chairs, rubbing a hand down his face before pulling out his phone to place the dreaded call. 

Hearing the dial tone, part of him hoped that she wouldn’t answer but she did after a few rings. 

“Tetsuro?” 

“Hi...” 

“It’s Y/N isn’t it?” 

“How did you know?” 

“Because you don’t make regular phone calls with me when I’m out of town. Not anymore in any case.” 

“Oh.” 

“Is she alright?” 

“No. She.. she tried again.. Bokuto found her.” 

A sharp intake of breath was heard on the other line and Kuroo could hear your father in the background. 

“Okay.. we .. we are heading back. Please keep me updated. Have the doctors said anything?” 

“No. We .. we just got here. They took her back.” 

“How?” 

“What?” 

“HOW?!” 

“.. I .. I don’t know ... I found a bottle of sleeping pills in the bathroom with her.” 

“Thank you for taking care of her Tetsuro... I’m sure this is hard for you as well.” 

Kuroo swallowed the lump in his throat. “I’ll.. I’ll keep you updated as they come.” 

“Thank you again.” She said and it was followed with a click, signaling the end of the call.


	5. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “All of a sudden I didn't fit in anywhere. Not at school, not at home...and every time I turned around, another person I'd known forever felt like a stranger to me. Even I felt like a stranger to me.”
> 
> -Wendelin Van Draanen, Flipped

Time seemed to creep by slowly within the hospital, Akaashi and Bokuto had returned shortly after Kuroo’s call had ended. 

And the group sat outside in the waiting room, they were soon joined by Kenma, Yaku, and Lev. They were waiting for any news, an update they could get. Every time a doctor or nurse would walk by, they’d wait with anticipation. They’d exchange looks and let out sighs as the medical professionals continued on. 

It was eerily quiet. Her parents had yet to arrive and Kuroo wondered if they would even come this time. The last attempt had nearly destroyed both of her parents. They’d blamed themselves and seeing her like that had almost broke them with guilt. 

Running a hand down his face again, Kuroo glanced over to see that Bokuto had his head laid on Akaashi’s shoulder his eyes closed, Kenma was staring at the wall, Lev was being uncharacteristically quiet, and Yaku sat reading a book. 

Annoyance began to stir inside him, as well as guilt. Letting out a groan, he stood up and marched to the nurses station. Eight pairs of eyes followed him as he approached. 

“Hi.” Kuroo started as he stared down at the nurse on duty. 

“Hello. How can I help you?” 

“My sister was brought in over three hours ago. And I’ve not heard any news. Is she okay? Her name is Y/N L/N.” 

“Hold on just a moment sir.” She said with a small smile as she stood up to check on the status. 

A sudden presence next to him caused Kuroo to startle slightly, he looked down and saw it was Kenma. “Is she okay?” 

Running a hand through his hair, he leaned his elbow on the counter, watching for the nurses return. “I don’t know.” 

“Why’d you tell them she was your sister?” The shorter male asked, looking up at Kuroo. 

Holding a finger to his lips, Kuroo slung his arm over Kenma’s shoulder, to guide him a slight distance away. “Because, last time this happened they REFUSED to let me know anything because I was not immediate family. I’m not letting that happen again.” He said with a hushed tone. 

A startled look appeared on Kenma’s face and he furrowed his eyebrows. “The last time?” 

Squeezing his eyes shut and realizing what he just said, the Nekoma captain removed his arm from his friends shoulder to hold up his hands in mock defense. “It’s not my story to tell Kenma.” 

Saying nothing, the younger boy walked back over to the group where Yaku and Lev were conversing and Akaashi had laid his head on Bokuto’s, his eyes still closed. 

“Sir?” Came the voice from the nurse, quickly jerking around he saw that the smile from before was replaced with a thin line. 

“Yes?” 

“The doctor will be with you in a few moments. He just finished with her surgery.” 

Swallowing the knot in his throat, Kuroo felt anguish begin to take hold. “Her- her surgery? Is she alive?” 

Laying her hand on his forearm, the nurse kept her professional demeanor, while Kuroo felt like his entire body was on fire. “Sir. Your sister is alive, but I think the doctor should explain more of what happened. Like I said, he will be with you shortly. But just know, she’s alive.” 

A sense of hope began to spark at her words and while he walked back in a daze, the group all stared at him. Bokuto quickly shook awake when Kuroo sat back down next to him. 

“Any updates?” Bokuto asked, his eyes still slightly glazed from sleep. 

A half smile formed on the middle blocker’s face and he let loose a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. “She’s alive.” Kuroo replied, and watched as light danced across Bokuto’s face like he’d just won a billion yen. 

Yaku and Lev smiled in response and Akaashi blew out a breath through his nose, and then glanced over at Kenma who had stayed quiet. 

He really hated to add the rest but felt they needed to know. “But, she apparently had surgery.” 

Kuroo looked away as he felt all the faces fall around him. The energy from before-gone and he hated it. Because it felt like the hope had dulled slightly. 

“Surgery?” Bokuto asked, sitting up and staring at Kuroo. “For what?” 

Clenching his hands together with his elbows on his knees, he shook his head. “I don’t know. The nurse said the doctor would be out to talk to us shortly.” 

Bokuto deflated again, leaning forward with his head in his hands. 

Glancing over at his teammates, Kuroo popped the knuckles on his hands. “You guys should probably head home. It’s late. And who knows how long we’ll be here.” 

“Are you sure?” Yaku asked, glancing over at Lev. “We can stay.” 

Shaking his head in response, he half smiled again. “No. I’ll keep you updated as we get more information.” 

Yaku and Lev both nodded in response snd stood up. Lev looked down at Kenma who hadn’t moved. “Kenma? Are you coming?” 

Glancing over at Kuroo, Kenma shrugged. “I think I’ll stay a little longer.” He replied, pulling out his PSP. 

“Okay. Be safe when you leave.” Yaku said with a hint of concern as he and Lev waved goodbye on their way out. 

“Akaashi you should go too.” Bokuto said, letting out a tired sigh as he glanced over at his best friend. 

Shaking his head in response, Akaashi pulled out a book from his bag. Yukie had stopped by earlier with their stuff after getting a text from Akaashi. “No. I’m good right here.” 

Bokuto felt his heart swell with love for his friend as he turned to face him. “But - but what about practice?” 

Rolling his eyes slightly, Akaashi gave Bokuto a small smile as he folded his hands in his lap on top of the book. “There are other members of our team Bokuto. They will be fine. There will be other games, other practices. But you’re my best friend and I’m not going anywhere.” 

Bokuto opened his mouth to respond when a gruff voice came from behind him. 

“Y/N L/N family?” The Doctor said, walking up to the group and Kuroo stood up instantly, Bokuto quickly following suit. 

“Yes. Yes I’m her brother, Kuroo.” The bed head replied, his hands stuffed down deep in his pockets. 

“And I’m her boyfriend.” Bokuto added, crossing his arms as he stood next to Kuroo. 

“Okay. Well here is the situation. You may want to sit down.” 

“No.” Came the joint response from both boys. 

Taking only a moment to gather himself the doctor launched into the news. “We had to pump her stomach, it seemed she had downed an unusually high number of sleeping pills. Luckily you boys got her here in time as we were able to remove them. But she’s still knocked out asleep. We often see this with suicide pat-“ 

“Don’t say that word” growled Bokuto, anger clear on his face. “Don’t say that word.” He repeated glancing up at the doctor, who looked startled at the outburst. 

Kuroo placed a hand on his buddies shoulder in an attempt to calm him down. “Please continue.” 

“Yes, well- in these patients, we do often see this response. Tell me, does Y/N have any history of self harm?” 

Nodding in response the doctor rubbed his head. “That explains the scars then. Alright, where are your parents?” 

Exchanging quick glances between Kuroo and Bokuto, Kuroo answered. “They were out of town. I was at volleyball practice. They should be back soon. I called them when we arrived.” 

“Alright then.” 

“Can we see her?” Bokuto asked glancing up at the doctor, having calmed down a small amount. 

A small smile graced the doctors lips as he nodded. “I think that would be a good idea. Remind her what she has to live for, I think it might do a great deal of good. Come on. I’ll take you to her.”


	6. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The way sadness works is one of the strange riddles of the world. If you are stricken with a great sadness, you may feel as if you have been set aflame, not only because of the enormous pain but also because your sadness may spread over your life, like smoke from an enormous fire.”
> 
> – Lemony Snicket

The sight of her unmoving body hooked up to the machines was too much for Kuroo. The moment the doctor slid open the door, he felt hot tears well up again. Tears he couldn’t hold back this time. 

Stopping at the door, he sniffled and refused to look anywhere else. “I can’t.. I can’t do this.” He said softly and Kenma shot his friend a side glance. 

“Bokuto. Akaashi.” Kenma spoke, his voice low but met Akaashi’s gaze. Both had already entered the room, and looked at the Nekoma players who both still stood in the doorway. “Kuroo and I are going to get coffee and wait for her parents. Do - do you guys want anything?” 

Bokuto shook his head in response as he grabbed a chair to pull up next to the bed, plopping himself down next to her. 

Akaashi glanced over at Kuroo’s face before glancing back at Bokuto who had grabbed her hand. “Bokuto.” He said softly and the ace made a “hmm” sound in response, not moving his gaze from his girlfriend. “I’m going to go with Kenma and Kuroo.” 

“Okay.” Bo replied, squeezing her hand. He was only vaguely aware of the door to the room closing. 

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed with him listening steadily to the breathing machines beeping snd chiming every few minutes. 

“Hey.” He said softly, he almost didn’t even recognize himself; as he landed a kiss on her hand. “The doctor said that coming here and talking to you might help you remember what you have to live for.” There was no response and he wasn’t really expecting one. 

There was no other sound as he softly used his thumb to caress her hand. “I remember when I first saw you-“ he started, staring down at the hand he was holding. “-you had the most annoyed look on your face as Kuroo told you to stay put. I didn’t know he was your cousin at the time. All I knew was that you were so pretty. Even with that awful scowl. To be completely honest, I was so jealous. He hadn’t told me about a girlfriend but suddenly here you were, this pretty girl who looked ready to fight toe to toe with that bed headed cat.” 

Chuckling, he smiled up at the pretty face he had come to love. “You were so fierce. So just done with his shit. But I owe him everything, because he introduced me to you.”

Glancing out the window to the side, he let out a tiny sigh before he remembered the same day. “I also noticed you checking out my ass, and when your face blushed. I knew I was a goner. I don’t know if Kuroo ever told you, I know I never did. But he called you a gremlin- i think he does it outve love- but i wanted to punch him.” 

F l a s h b a c k 

“Tetsu! I am okay! I just want to go home.” She whined her eyebrows furrowed glaring across the gym at nothing in particular. He was being overbearing again, he had been getting better but with her parents being out of town for their first trip since the incident, the tall rooster was taking no chances. 

Kuroo glared down at her and rested his hands on his hips. “No. I told your mom I’d get you home- so you’re stuck with me!” 

Groaning in defeat and annoying, she threw herself down on the bleachers and crossed her arms. “How long will this take?” She asked haughtily. 

Ruffling her hair, Kuroo smirked at the glare he received. “Don’t worry, I’ll have you home before you turn into a pumpkin Cinderella. AND -“ he paused as he heard his name being called, looking over he saw Yaku waving at him, gesturing that it was time to start the match. Kuroo raised his hand to signal he got the message before turning back to the irritated gremlin before him. “I’ll even buy you meat buns?” 

When he said “meat buns”, she immediately perked up with a small grin before forcing a frown down again. He chuckled in response and she let out a sigh in resignation. “Fine! But this better be a good match!” 

Winking in response, he began to trot backwards. “I’m sure it will be.” 

She watched him run with an eye roll before glancing across the court again. This time her eyes met with a pair of beautiful golden eyes, his hair was black and white- and without meaning to she cocked her head to the side to check out his ample ass. A slow grin spread across his lips as he popped out his hip a little, accentuating his butt. Panic and embarrassment reigned as she covered her face in realization, blushing every shade of red there was in the color wheel. 

Oh GOD. 

“Bokuto!” came Akaashi’s low voice. “Focus.” 

“Yeah you bird brain! Stop making googoo eyes at my cousin!” Kuroo growled with a frown at the ace. 

A giant grin plastered itself on his face as he looked over at the tall middle blocker. “So she’s NOT your girlfriend?” 

Chancing a look over at her with a frown, Kuroo noticed she had taken out her homework but her face was flushed red. “Ew, I’d never date that gremlin, even if she WASN’T family.” 

Even though Kuroo was his friend, he narrowed his eyes, ready to go to war for this stranger he’d never even met. “Don’t call that precious creature a gremlin!” 

Eyes widened on Kuroo’s face and a sly grin spread across his face as realization settled in. “If your team wins, I’ll introduce you.”

“BET!” Bokuto shouted, getting in position.

She watched in amazement as the dual hair colored male form the neighboring school spiked the ball and let out an incredibly loud roar in excitement. 

“Wow.” Was all she could muster, her jaw dropping, as he glanced back to see if she had seen him and when he caught her eye contact he winked, before turning back to the Nekoma players. 

A glare had settled on Kuroo’s face as he watched her glance down at her homework with a flushed face, again. 

“Hey! Stop that!” Kuroo growled, putting his hands on his hips as he turned towards Bokuto. 

Sticking his tongue out Bokuto smiled widely and shot another grin towards her. “I’m going to marry that girl.”

“What makes you think she’d want to marry YOU?” Came Kenma’s stoic snd neutral voice. 

Bokuto whipped his head around and narrowed his eyes on the setter. “Do I sense a hint of J E A L O U S Y Kenma?” 

Kenma narrowed his eyes and Akaashi rubbed his forehead. “Can we talk about this after the game?” 

“AKKAAAASHIIIIII.” Whined Bokuto and Akaashi raised his eyebrow, to which Bokuto deflated in defeat. “Fine!” 

Holding his hand out he pointed at Kenma. “I’m coming for your left shoes, and I’m shitting in them buddy.”

All three all made a tch sound in disgust as Bokuto let out a loud chortle. 

The girl who sat on the bleachers wrinkled her nose as the group traded banter and glanced up as Bokuto let out another loud ring of laughter, Boys are so weird. 

Little did she know, that this day would change the path of her future. 

End flashback 

Shaking his head, he gave her hand a soft squeeze with a light smile on his face. “I don’t think I ever told you, but I told Kuroo that day I was going to marry you.” He said softly, forcing his tears back, he laid his head on her hand. “Don’t leave me here. I still need you.”


	7. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sometimes we get sad about things and we don’t like to tell other people that we are sad about them. We like to keep it a secret. Or sometimes, we are sad but we really don’t know why we are sad, so we say we aren’t sad but we really are.”
> 
> – Mark Haddon

To her it felt like minutes, seconds even. Her body felt like it was floating. It was a sense of Deja Vu, she couldn’t put her finger on the familiar feeling. A feeling she didn’t want to end, but one that ended way too quickly in her opinion.

To the rest of the world it had been two days, full of hospital workers and visitors. Unknown to her, was the fact that a tall volleyball player with golden eyes hadn’t left her side. He had slept there, he was refusing to eat while he waited for her to wake up. 

After a few hours on the first day, Kuroo had finally calmed down enough to enter into the room. The sight before him still stung, but after a follow up conversation with your mom, he knew he needed to be there in case you woke up. 

Clenching and unclenching his fists, Kuroo sat down in the chair next to the door, Bokuto was currently snoozing with his head on the bed, still holding her hand and the Nekoma Captain had no desire to wake him up. He looked incredibly peaceful. 

Leaning his head back against the wall, Kuroo replayed her mother’s words over snd over again in his head. 

✨Flashback ✨

“What do you MEAN you aren’t coming here?!” Kuroo asked, the finest bit of anger seeping into his words. 

There was a few moments of silence before a loud sigh echoed across the line. “Tetsuro. I can’t.” 

Kenma perked up as he watched Kuroo’s face fill with fury before elbowing Akaashi. “She’s your DAUGHTER.” 

Pushing down his rage, he fought to calm himself down to listen. He knew this was hard for them, he KNEW that. But it was also hard for him and for Bokuto as well, but they were here waiting for her to wake up. So she didn’t wake up alone, and thus fulfill the thought that she was alone. 

“I’m well aware of the fact she is my daughter.” Came her mother’s voice, a ting of irritation ringing in her statement. “Don’t pretend to know what it’s like. When you have your own child one day, you’ll understand. I can’t — I can’t see her like that. I just can’t. She was getting better, she was fine, she was HAPPY.”

Guilt wiggled into his heart as he finally took a seat, rubbing his face in frustration and even though he knew he shouldn’t ask, he needed to ask for her sake. “Have you guys been fighting?” 

Kuroo could hear a pin drop on the other end of the phone and he KNEW she knew whom he meant. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.” came her cold response. 

Shaking his head as he let out a huff of air, he mouthed “unbelievable” at Kenma with an eye roll who exchanged glances with Akaashi. “It became my business when it involves Y/N. But you know what? I’d rather be here than have EITHER of you here. Don’t worry. She won’t wake up alone.” 

Clicking end, he let out a groan as he sat his phone down on the seat next to him, without looking up he grumbled. “They aren’t coming.” 

Kenma’s eyes flew opened and Akaashi rubbed his forehead. “What do you mean they aren’t coming?” Kenma asked, his brow furrowed, a look mirroring Kuroo’s own of irritation. 

Letting out an annoyed sigh, he repeated himself. “I said, they aren’t coming.” 

Kenma glared down at the floor and Akaashi stood up. “I’m going to go see how Bokuto is doing.” 

Nodding his understanding, Kuroo ran a hand through his hair. “Akaashi?” He said, glancing up to meet his friends eyes. 

“Yes Kuroo?” 

“Don’t tell Bokuto.” 

Akaashi’s eyes widened slightly before nodding and walking down towards the room. 

“Why don’t you want him to know?” Kenma asked, glancing over to where Akaashi had just stood. 

Looking over at his best friend, he frowned. “Because, it would just hurt him even more.” 

Nodding in agreement, Kenma pulled out his psp. “Wanna play?” He offered it and in that moment, the tall middle blocker almost lost it and sucked down a few tears. “Sure.” Kuroo replied, taking the console from him. 

✨ End flashback ✨

Now as he sit in the room, he couldn’t help but be angry with her parents, he felt a rage so unlike himself building. Kuroo had saved her twice- and while no, he wasn’t a parent- he still loved her. They had way too many good memories for him to not. They’d grown up together, she’d been his confidant and he had been hers. That’s what made this so fucked up, he’d forgotten a rule the therapist had told him. “When she starts to feel better, don’t back all the way off. If she starts to exhibit depressive behavior, don’t push; but be active and involved.” 

But he had backed off, he had backed off a lot. Because Bokuto had taken his place, Bokuto was supposed to help keep her safe. Kuroo fought his anger toward Bokuto. He couldn’t be mad at the bird brain unless he was as equally mad at himself. And he was so angry at himself. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he’d known. He’d known something was off but he assumed it was tests and college, stuff she had displayed she could handle without having her hand held. 

He knew the catalyst was her parents.   
It had to be. 

Bokuto and her fight had been the match that had lit the fire, but the in fighting between her parents was sure to be the kindling upon which it was set. 

Letting out another sigh, Kuroo rubbed his face before glancing over to see Bokuto staring at him. 

Looking back at her once more, Bokuto stood up; giving her hand one more tight squeeze. “I’ll be right back. Kuroo’s here. If you wanna wake up, I’ll be here. Promise.” He said, placing a kiss on her forehead and walking over to sit down next to Kuroo’s chair. 

Once he was situated, Kuroo looked over at him and noticed how worn down his friend looked. Bokuto had only left for a few minutes, just long enough to use the shower in her room. Akaashi, Kenma and Kuroo had all brought him food, but he’d waved it off. “You look like shit man.” He commented and Bo let out a harsh chuckle as he ran his hand through his hair. 

“Yeah well- I feel like shit.” Bo replied, lower his hands and gripping the chair. “Akaashi still here?” 

Nodding in response, both boys glanced over to her figure, seemingly sleeping peacefully. 

Knowing he should probably prepare him, Kuroo sighed. “I wanted to let you know, her parents aren’t coming.” 

Surprise and anger were apparent on Bokuto’s face as he narrowed his eyes. “Pieces of shit.” He muttered, growing steadily angrier by the minute. 

Placing a hand on Bo’s shoulder, Kuroo nodded. “They are- but SHE needs us. So we are going to be there for her.” 

Nodding quickly in agreement, Bo let out a tired sigh. “Kuroo?” 

“Hm?” Came his response as he removed his hand back to his own chair. 

“I still want to marry her.” 

Chucking lightly, the Nekoma captain shot him a small smile. “If you don’t, Kenma will.”

Furrowing his eyebrows, the golden eyed captain glared. “He won’t get the chance, because, one day- when all this is over. I’m going to marry her and Kenma will be a bad dream.” 

Before he could stop himself, Kuroo leaned over and let out his classic “hyena” laugh that bounced around the room. Bokuto perked up and the first smile in the last 24 hours played on his cheeks. 

A sudden beeping alerted the pair and Kuroo quickly sobered up looking at the monitors, noticing her heart monitor had sped up. A nurse entered the room, nodding at the boys before walking over to check everything. 

“Is she okay?” Bokuto asked, his face filled with worry. The nurse grinned.

“I don’t know what you two were doing, but keep doing it. Her heart beat increased, that’s a good sign.” 

Exchanging glances as she left- Bokuto smiled softly. “She’ll wake up soon right?” 

Settling down into his chair, Kuroo shot him a sly grin. “She will and when she does, we will be here.” 

The two volleyball players slowly drifted off to the sound of the machines beeping along steadily.


	8. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Breathing is hard. When you cry so much, it makes you realize that breathing is hard.” 
> 
> -David Levithan, "Love Is the Higher Law"

When she finally woke, she did so slowly. Her eyes blinked a few times as the world around her came into focus. It took her brain a few minutes to comprehend what had happened, glancing down at her arms she sighed and she felt hot tears well up in her eyes as she shook her head back and forth. How shitty do you have to be to botch a suicide, not once but TWICE?! She thought, slowly rubbing her face, surprised with how easily she was able to move as she adjusted herself to sit up in the bed. 

Huffing she glanced around the room and her heart hurt when she saw Bokuto and Kuroo, both sleeping peacefully by the door in their respective chairs, with the former resting his head on his friends shoulder. A vice grip around her heart tightened and sobs escaped her lips; quickly bringing the back of her hand to her mouth, attempting to stifle the sounds escaping her as she looked down at the bed. 

It however did not go unnoticed as Bokuto’s ears twitched, slowly opening his eyes and raising his head up to see Y/N sitting up in the bed, crying. Taking only a second to orient himself, he popped up and bolted across the room and resisted the urge to tackle her as she sat in the bed. “Baby!” He exclaimed, his eyes studying her as he stood there.

To his dismay, she lowered her hands but refused to look at him, snot and tears flowed down her face. “Why’d you save me?” she whispered, trying to stop the sobs racking her body. She could feel Bo next to her, but she just didn’t understand and she couldn’t bring herself to look at him. 

An odd look of confusion danced on his face as he laid a hand on her arm, trying to understand what was she was going through. “What do you mean?!” He asked in a tone that suggested he didn’t understand. 

She was alive! Wasn’t that enough? 

She pushed him off and he stumbled back, his eyes wide as she turned her red and puffy face towards him. Bokuto almost did not recognize her, he held his hands up. “Why. The. Fuck. Did. You. Save. Me?!” she repeated, rage evident in her entire body, her eyebrows narrowed, her body tight and rigid, fists clenched. He’d never see that look of raw rage in her before. Ever. 

Her loud and angry tone finally caused Kuroo to stir and he stood up. Y/N hadn’t noticed him awake and standing yet, she was too focused on the two toned male in her view. “You should have let me die!” She cried out, wiping her eyes as she continued to rage, seeing Kuroo now awake, she looked between the two of them. “Why did you idiots stop me?” She asked, her throat sore and she was hurting. “I was trying to die! I WANTED to die!” 

A cold fury rippled through Kuroo as he closed the distance between him and Y/N, pushing Bokuto on his way. Clear rage marred his face as he remained lucid enough to not shake her. “You don’t GET to just DIE!” 

Y/N flinched at the harshness and fury, a low growl left his lips. It was low enough but Bokuto grabbed his arms, holding him back as he could feel Kuroo’s rage building quickly. The look of fear on her face was also enough for Bo to know emotions were running high. Kuroo had also been in this exact same place not terribly long ago. “You don’t get to just leave us behind!” Kuroo yelled, his anger getting the best of him as he tried to wrestle Bo off him. “Let go of me!” He growled at his friend. 

Glancing between Y/N and Kuroo, Bo shook his head, as she continued to stare at her hands, his heart beating fast. “Not until I’m sure you’ll keep your hands to yourself.” 

A resigned sigh left Kuroo, as did most of the fight he had in him. Bo loosened his grip, but stayed close enough that he could intervene if needed. The captain from Nekoma didn’t have a violent streak, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t happen. Once the owl had released him, Kuroo began to pace; running his hand through his hair, pausing after a few seconds and getting out a puff of air through his nose. “Y/N...” he said in a cold tone, and she wiped her eyes on her sleeve, not meeting his gaze, afraid of what she’d see there. “Y/N... look at me.” His tone cold and firm. 

Sniffling, she glanced at him, her eyes still full of tears. He shook his head then wiped his own eyes, staring down at her. “Why didn’t you tell me this was happening again?” Kuroo asked, his tone even, yet still lacking emotion. She flinched ever so slightly and he rubbed his forehead as he continued. “We TALKED about this. You know you can ask for hel-“ 

Anger replaced her sadness as she shot him a snarl, his eyes narrowing even more, and Y/N crossed her arms as she interrupted him. “YOU don’t get it. YOU have a perfect life. It must be sOoOOoO easy to just ask for help, huh Tetsuro?!” 

Bokuto held back his own words, this was between the two of them. He knew he’d have a chance to talk to her at a later time and for him, that was enough for now. 

The cat captain groaned in irritation as he threw his head back and covered his eyes, before once again, locking his eyes with hers, this time conveying his anger. “You’re so self centered sometimes. Do you not even care how your actions effect others?! Do you!?” 

“Fuck you!” She yelled as his words stung her heart. 

The sound that left Kuroo’s mouth was full of sarcasm and hurt. “I can’t believe YOU!” He started, pointing his index finger at her. Bokuto stood ready, if needed- but Kuroo shot him a look before throwing up his hands, continuing his rant. “You needed me and you didn’t ask for help! Why?!” He asked, his tears free falling now, and she felt incredibly guilty as he continued to pace. “You have me and Bokuto” he said, pointing at Bokuto who held up his hands. “And Akaashi! Kenma! Who by the way, has been an anxious ball of nerves since he found out. You’ve been in a coma for TWO DAYS! TWO Y/N!”

Reality stung her as she looked back down, unable to keep eye contact any longer as Kuroo continued his onslaught. “None of us thought you were going to live. Bokuto hasn’t eaten since we found you!” 

Surprise busted through her gut like a wrecking ball as her eyes looked over at Bo, who shrugged. “I wasn’t hungry.” He said simply, and her mouth opened to reply but Kuroo’s voice brought her back to the current battle. 

Kneeing down next to the bed, Kuroo gripped the sheets, doing his best to get her eye contact. “We broke the door down to get you..” he said softly, his hurt snd fear evident. “Don’t you sit there and tell me to fuck off. Your mom- Y/N - your mom hasn’t even come here because she can’t stand to see you like this. Your dad? He hasn’t spoken since I called them. You’re a selfish asshole.” Kuroo finished, his eyes looking down at the sheets now wet with his tears. 

She said nothing, a pin could drop and you’d hear it. 

Bokuto however, could not allow such a statement to stand as he placed a hand on his buddies shoulder. “Kuroo. Dude. That’s harsh.” He remarked, glancing at Y/N, who had turned her gaze outwards to the window. 

Sniffling, Kuroo stood up and shook off the owl’s hand from his shoulder. “I need some air. Talk some sense into her Bokuto.” was all he said before he exited the room, closing the door with more force than needed. 

She let out a huff of breath and wiped her face one more time before settling back down into the bed. The emotional exchange that had just happened had exhausted her as she turned away from him. “You can leave.” She said simply, her voice soft. 

“No.” Came his firm response. 

She let out a snarl as she turned her head towards him and he approached the side of her bed. “I said leave!” 

He narrowed his golden eyes at her and crossed his arms across his chest. “You said “you can leave”, and I’m telling you- no fucking way.” 

Everyone seems to think that because Bokuto has this playful demeanor that he’s a literal bundle of sunshine. And he is... for the most part. When it comes to things he’s passionate about, he’ll shut shit down quick. He can have an attitude problem sometimes and right now- she had never hated him more for it. 

Clenching her fists, she looked away from him, burrowing herself facing the other way, watching the sun setting outside. “Fine. Stay! Do whatever the hell what you want. I’m not talking to you.” 

The sound of a chair scooting across the floor caused her ears to perk up and she fought the urge to shoot him a go to hell look when his feet propped up on her bed. She could picture him; the volleyball magazine in his hand, reading quietly to himself. Bokuto being silent was scary. He normally filled the quiet with some sort of sound. Not this time. 

What seemed like hours was probably only a few minutes but he still kept silent. The only sound was of him occasionally turning the page. However, it was only a matter of time before a loud gurgling filled the silent room. 

“Sorry....” he muttered and at this, she did turn around; her concern for him outweighing everything.

“You should eat.” She said, once again, in a soft tone. She was angry, very angry, but- she didn’t want him to end up in a bed next to her. Despite the harsh words Kuroo had said, she wasn’t completely selfish. 

“Probably.” was his only response, still not looking up at her as he turned the page again. 

Letting out a huff of air, once again, she sat up as a tick of annoyance flickered on her forehead. “Koutarou....” 

Bokuto’s face lit up like he had just won nationals, and she resisted the urge to flinch at the brightness of his face as his name escaped from her lips. The look on her face must have sent a mixed signal because he put his feet on the floor and leaned forward, his hands on the bed as his head cocked to the side. “I thought I’d never hear you say my name again.” He said simply snd softly, a grin on his lips. 

She put a hand to her heart and bit her lip, trying to figure out something to say and right as she opened her mouth, his stomach growled again. 

“Shut up!” He growled back, looking down with a glare on his face. 

Before she could stop the sound, a little giggle escaped her lips before she quickly covered her mouth with her hands as she glanced down, once again. A little embarrassed to say the least. 

“That’s the most amazing sound in the world.” Bokuto said gently, his voice full of awe. 

After a few minutes, she gently tucked a hair behind her ear. “Listen, why don’t you go get some food Kou? I’ll be here.”

“Naw. I’m good.” He replied, sitting back in his chair, propping his feet up, completely relaxed and casual. Like this was someone’s living room or his bedroom. 

“Koutarou!” She argued, glaring down at him. 

Shrugging, he shot her a look with a raised eyebrow. “I said I’m good.” 

Rubbing her head as a headache was beginning to form, she muttered. “Of all the stubborn-“ 

A small grin was on his face as he continued to read his magazine, ignoring her- groaning she gave in. “Fine! Listen, if you go get food. I’ll talk to you!” 

A giant grin spread across his face as his eyes lit up again and, to be honest, she was really glad in that moment. She thought for sure she’d be okay not seeing them again, but now, in that one instance- she was glad to be alive. “You promise?” He asked, his eyebrow raised and arms crossed. 

“Sure.” She replied, crossing her arms and leaning back on the bed. 

Bokuto stood there for a second before asking the question he’d been wanting to know since she woke up. “Can I PLEASE hug you?”

The look of panic on her face must have clued him in and she shook her head in response. “I’m not ready...” she said, looking away as his whole body deflated. 

Guilt gnawed at her as he turned to leave but her voice stopped him. “Kou.” She called and he paused at the door to turn snd look at her. 

“Yeah?” 

Fiddling her thumbs, she bit her lip and sent him a sweet smile. “When you come back with food, I’d like a chocolate chip cookie? And maybe... a strawberry milk?”


	9. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”  
> -Frederick Keonig

Slipping slowly down into the bed, she let out a groan as she rubbed her forehead. That headache from earlier was coming back. The nurses had just left, giving her an earful and tons of pamphlets. They were the same pamphlets she has been given last time, she had a series of appointments with a psychiatrist in the coming days before she could be discharged. And technically, because she was eighteen- they couldn’t stop her if she tried to sign herself out. It was the same song and dance, only this time there was even discussion of having her committed, which sent her into a panic attack. She had quickly agreed to the counseling appointments and the talk of medication. Anything to avoid being locked up. 

Kuroo came back right when the nurse was leaving and she stopped him on his way into the room. “Sir? May I speak with you? You’re her brother correct?” 

Nodding in response, he followed her out wordlessly and made a nodding motion towards the room to someone standing outside the door. 

A small smile made its way to her dry lips when she saw another boy, a really good friend enter the room. “Kenma.” She said softly, turning to face him all the way, it was then that she noticed how ragged he looked. His eyes were red from crying or lack of sleep, she suspected the first one as Kenma had made an unhealthy habit of staying awake for days. 

Knowing he had questions, she shrugged a little. She didn’t know how to give him an answer that would make him feel better, to accept what she had done. To be honest, she wasn’t even sure she had accepted it. This was the part she hated; the questioning of “why”. She, herself, couldn’t understand why- so how could you explain it when you didn’t even understand it yourself? 

Taking a few more steps towards the bed, she opened her mouth when Kenma reached over to pinch her upper arm. “OUCH! What the FUCK Kenma??” She asked, rubbing the spot with a whine. 

His cat like eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms and stood beside her. “You scared the shit out of me.”

Dropping her jaw, she shook her head and brought her hand down from her arm. “Did, did you just let out an explicit term Kenma Kozume??” 

Kenma’s glare didn’t falter as he continued to stare her down, she could detect a flicker of hurt in his eyes. She knew he wanted to hear her apologize, he wanted her to feel guilty that she hurt others, but she didn’t and she wouldn’t. Though Kuroo had been up front and honest, in all ways, he had already done this with her last time. Kenma — Kenma had never seen her this down and out, this sad. Kuroo had never told him about the incident, that much was clear. And a small sliver of gratitude for the rooster head warmed her chest, Kenma was his best friend; always had been. But, he had kept this from him. She knew that was a battle for another day as a sigh rocked her body. Twisting her thumbs, she glanced up and saw his gaze had softened slightly as he laid a hand on her shoulder to give it a firm squeeze. “Don’t do that again.” Kenma said softly, 

“Kenma — I..” she started, feeling incredibly guilty in that moment but he shook his head before looking towards the door, where Kuroo now stood, his arms crossed and leaning on the door frame. 

“Please don’t be mean to Kuroo. He’s been a mess.” Kenma said, his eyes once again soft as his friend entered the room. “He- well we, just want you to be okay.” 

They fist bumped and she shook her head as Kenma excused himself out of the room, leaving her alone with Kuroo for the first time since she woke up. She could tell that most of the anger had left his body as he sat down in the chair Bokuto had once occupied. 

“Where’d the owl go?” He asked, leaning back and intertwining his fingers as he studied her. 

“To feed himself. And get me a cookie.” She replied, glancing over at him. 

“Ah.” He answered; saying nothing else. 

“I know you want me to say I’m sorry Tetsu.” She started, glancing out the window, avoiding his eyes. “But I’m not.” 

Scoffing, he leaned forward, his head leaning on the bed. “I seriously never wanted to see you like that again.” 

She frowned in response and sighed, as she touched the back of his head; trying in some way to comfort him. “I know.” She said softly and he groaned into the bed. 

“Why do you want to die so bad?” He asked, quickly moving his head up and resting it on his palm, elbow on the bed. 

“Tetsu.” 

“What?” He asked, his eyes full of something, she wasn’t sure what- but full of something that had her on edge. 

“I don’t want to die.” She softly said in honesty, shrugging as she dragged her gaze back to his. “I just want to stop hurting.” She finished like it was the most obvious thing. 

“So what is hurting?” 

“Everything. Even breathing hurts some days. I feel like I’m constantly drowning under pressure to get good grades, Bokuto- who I love, so much sometimes it scares me but even HE is sometimes too much. Mom and dad have been fighting non stop over stupid shit and — I can’t escape them, at home or at school. Somehow I keep ending up in the middle of them. No matter what I do! I’m just NEVER enough!” She cried, everything edging over and sending her down a spiral as she pushed her palms into her eyes to stop what tears she had left. 

“You’re more than enough for me.” A lone voice from the door said softly, yet loud enough to warrant attention from the two in the room. 

Two sets of eyes landed on Bokuto as he walked in, a convenience store bag in one hand, the other on the door frame. “Sorry it took so long, I had to run and get your cookie from that store we like.” 

She knew she was lucky when it came to boyfriends, he was everything she ever wanted. She knew that, she was very surprised he didn’t want to dump her and move on to someone else. And who knew, maybe he would one day- but not today. Today he was the man who had rushed her to the hospital and been there when she woke up. 

Kuroo must have seen something in the glance the two exchanged, because he stood up and clapped Bo on the shoulder, turning only to glance back at her. “We can talk more later yeah?”

Bo gave him a grateful smile as Kuroo headed towards the door before stopping him. “Oh hey, Kuroo. Kenma was last seen playing his PSP in the waiting room.” 

A sly smile graced his lips. “He’ll never change. Behave kids.” He replied before leaving the room, shutting the door with a pop. 

Walking all the way into the room, Bokuto pulled the snacks out, saying “Here” as he handed her the snacks. 

Taking the snacks with one hand, she rubbed her forehead with the other. “How much did you hear?” 

“Enough.” Came his reply as he sat down in his chair, propping his chin in his palm, elbow on the bed as if waiting for her to respond or explain. 

Much to his annoyance, she didn’t and he fought the urge to let out an annoyed sigh or run a hand through his hair. Gathering all his courage, he spoke after a few minutes of silence. “You scared me.” 

A shudder ran through her body as she opened the cookie he had so graciously gotten for her. “I know.” She replied, breaking it in half before offering it to him. 

The sweet smile on his face was almost her undoing as he took the piece from her, muttering a small “Thank you.” 

How could she have forgotten this love she had for him? How could she ever have thought she could be without him? He was everything she had been living for and her heart constricted tightly, she felt incredibly unworthy of him in all his glory at that moment. 

“Why didn’t you tell me how you were feeling?” He asked as they both finished their treat. 

Running a hand through her hair, she let out another deep sigh. “I don’t know. I didn’t want you to see me as .... i don’t know- damaged?” 

“Damaged?” He asked, his tone full of disbelief and almost even annoyance. 

She shrugged in response and then widened her eyes when he laughed. Raising her eyebrow at him, he shook his head in response as she cocked her head to the side. 

“Find something funny owl-boy?” 

Sobering up quickly, he shot her another award winning smile. “Weakling or damaged is not a word I would EVER use to describe you Y/N. And the fact that you use it to describe yourself concerns me.” 

“Kou-“ 

Shaking his head, he reached for her hand that lay on the bed and was encouraged when she didn’t rip it away. “Y/N...” he said slowly, not able to meet her eyes. “You’re smart, and capable, and- and so pretty. You’re one of the strongest people I know!” 

She sniffled again, squeezing his hand gently to let him know she heard him. “Kou— I’m tired of being strong. It shouldn’t be THIS hard!” 

Releasing her hand, Bokuto held his hand to his chest as he held her eyes steadily, the most serious expression on his face. “Then I’ll be strong FOR you! Lean all your burdens on ME! I can take them snd help you handle them!” 

Chuckling at his display, she wiped her nose on her sleeve. “You’re pure madness. I really love you.” 

Before he could stop himself, he flung himself onto the bed with her while she let out a shrill “KOUTAROU!” in protest as he gripped her waist and snuggled into her chest. 

She allowed it and ran her hand through his hair. He sighed deeply. “I can hear your heart beat... you’re really alive.” 

Sighing, she said two words she wasn’t sure, until this moment that she felt. “I’m sorry.” 

If possible, his grip tightened on her waist as he stared up at her. “Babe, Please don’t leave me... I cant do life without you.” 

A sad smile perched on her lips and she nodded as she looked down at him in response. “I love you.” 

Softly a “hmm” left his mouth as he kissed her cheek, a giddy look on his face as he fought the urge to cover her face in kisses. “I’m ready to take you home.” He said, snuggling back into her side. 

“My parents haven’t even showed up... “ she mumbled, feeling her heart rip in an uncomfortable way, a way that sent anxious butterflies to her stomach snd an ache in her head. 

Snorting, Bokuto felt anger blossom at the thought of her parents and it showed when he spoke. “You heard what Kuro said- they probably won’t. But your family is here, I am your family.” 

He felt her take a breath to berate him for speaking of her parents with such anger, but he stopped her. “No I mean it Y/N, when we look back in a few years. I’m going to make you so unbelievably happy- that you never want to leave again. You’re going to be a Bokuto one day. And you’re going to have my owl babies.” He said with a proud smile on his face. 

“Owl babies!?” She asked, her eyes wide in concern and confusion. 

“You heard me.”

“And just how many are you talking here?!” 

“How does 11 sound?!” 

“ELEVEN!? Have you lost your mind?” 

“Noooooooo— but I don’t think eleven is too many!” 

“You gonna push them out of YOUR uterus?”

“Good point. We can just see what happens....”

“How about we finish high school and go from there?” 

A comfortable silence enveloped them and she slowly started to fall asleep, her eyelids drooping, he watched as she slowly fell back asleep, a determined look on his face as he buried his face in her neck, and adjusted his hold on her waist. “From this moment ON, I’m going to make you so happy, this will all be a bad memory.” He whispered in her ear, “Just you wait.”


	10. Chapter Nine

In the coming months, things happened quickly yet slowly all at once. It wasn’t very long after graduation that she moved into an apartment with Kuroo and Bokuto before the fall semester of college. Akaashi had promised to join them the next year. Kenma hadn’t decided what he wanted to do yet, so he was still up in the air on his future plan but swore he’d consider it. 

It was actually her dad who had suggested the move. When she finally been released from the hospital, things had been tense. Neither of her parents knew what to say, they had apologized and had even offered to attend some of her sessions, as a family. And she had agreed but never saw any follow through on their part. But she continued to attend her own sessions and take her medication. Her relationship with her mother was incredibly damaged, she didn’t know if they’d ever recover from the latest “incident” as her parents called it. Her father had also mentioned that Kuroo was really the only one who could help her handle her shit. Bokuto had taken immediate offense but had calmed down soon after. 

After a little while, everything seemed to settle down and a light was glowing at the end of the tunnel. To their credit, Bokuto and Kuro seemed to make it their mission in life to make sure she was okay- borderline overbearing, but the longer it went on- the more she got used to it. 

They eventually started giving her space, but making sure she was in the right headspace before doing so. Both boys required frequent check-in’s and phone calls, not just texts sent to them. 

Not everything had been sunshine and rainbows. There had been several fights and disagreements between all three parties before a routine was established but things eventually calmed down and things got better. 

She graduated college thanks to those boys and was there the moment Bokuto got scouted and joined the MSBY Black Jackals, proud as could be she told everyone about it. 

Kuroo landed his dream job and despite the HELL they had been through, she was so proud and impressed.

Things were good. 

______________

The cheers and explosive power of sheer fans during the first MSBY game was over powering but exciting. 

She could see Kou down on the court, bouncing back and forth on the balls of his feet while chatting with the MSBY setter, Miya Atsumu who let out a loud laugh in response to whatever he had said. 

Hinata stood off talking to the side, talking to Omi, who stood with his arms crossed, annoyance clear on his face. 

Giggling as she made eye contact with her handsome Kou, he waved heavily and shot her a thumbs up. She knew he was ready to play, the timeout had come after a quick attack. They were at a deuce, the game nearly over; MSBY needed one more point to win and stakes were high. 

As they ran back on the court to get ready, a small tap on her shoulder had her face to face with one of the managers, Jiro, for the MSBY Team. 

“Miss Y/N?” She asked, a small smile on her face as she stood next to Y/N in the stands- a little bit of a tight squeeze. 

“Hey Jiro!” She replied, a grin on her face as she glanced from the court and the manager. “Everything okay?” 

Waving her hands in protest, “Hi. Of course! Kuroo wanted me to go come get you. Something about Bokuto needing something from you after the game and he wanted you waiting for him.” 

A frown marred her face as she stood up and grabbed her things, “Oh! Okay! Can it wait just a second?! The game is almost over!”since High School Bokuto had evened out on his whole “I’m the ACE!” And the emo modes had been few and far between; doesn’t mean they didn’t happen. 

Shaking her head in response, Jiro cocked a small smile, “I’m afraid I must insist that you come now. We’ll get lost in the crowd.” 

Throwing one more glance towards the court, she sighed. “Okay let’s go. I’m going to kill Kuroo for making me miss the end of the game.” She muttered as she followed Jiro into a small room; next to the gym. 

Thankfully there was a TV and she watched as Bokuto scored the final point, sending the crowd into a chorus of “BOKUTO! BOKUTO! BOKUTO!” 

A huge shout of “THAT’S MY BABY!” She grinned, pumping her hand in the air, slightly upset she wasn’t able to see him right this second and Kuroo still hadn’t arrived to get her. 

Confusion was the name of the game as she watched the crowd clear out on the screen and paced the room, ready to see Bokuto. 

After what seemed like forever, a familiar face opened the door and her body flooded with relief. “Tetsu! Wtf am I doing here? They said you needed me for something for Kou.” 

“They didn’t tell you?” 

“Does my face tell you that they told me?” 

“Oh. They were supposed to bring you to us- we need you for Bokuto. He’s being weird.” 

“Ha. Okay? I mean it’s his first game, I’m sure he’s nervous.” 

“Well- come on. Games over; I’m going to take you to the floor.” 

“Okay. Wait! I’m not allowed on the floor! Tetsu! What the hell is going on?!” 

Placing both of his hands on her shoulders to steady her, he could tell she was getting wound up and that was not what needed to happen. “Just go with it Y/N.” 

Shaking his hands off her, she sighed. “Uhm. Okay. Weirdo.” 

By the time they made it to the court, she could hardly respond before she was as he barreled towards her, catching her up in a swift kiss and twirl around. “Did you see me BABY!?! DID YOU SEE ME?! I GOT THE POINT!!” 

A giggle escaped as he lowered her down and kissed her cheeks. “Hahahaha! Yes I did! You’re so amazing!!!” 

Placing his hand on her chin, he pulled her in for a deeper kiss and grinned against her lips. “You know what would be even more amazing?” 

She raised an eyebrow in response, her hands on his forearms, a grin on her face. “Tell me!” 

Before he could could respond, a loud echo of her name caused her entire body to turn around to seek where it had came from. She glanced around and wrinkled her nose in confusion as she noticed that a group of their friends standing around staring her down; Kuroo, Akaashi, Shoyo, Atsumu, Omi, and Iwaizumi- all had grins plastered on their faces. 

The confusion must have been clearly written on her face, because Kuroo pointed behind her. “What?” She asked, a low sound of annoyance in her tone. 

When she turned Bokuto was on one knee with a tiny velvet box opened with the most extraordinary ring she had ever seen.

You could hear a pin drop as the big buffy owl man, he had slightly misty eyes as he began his speech, her hands were at her sides and tears sprung into her eyes. “Y/N— all those years ago, i was scared i was going to lose you and I SWORE, that one day I’d made you so happy that you never wanted to leave me behind. So here we are, years later, we have everything we’ve ever wanted except- I want you to be a Bokuto. I want you to forever be mine. Y/N- will you marry me?” 

At a loss for words. Kou had told her several years ago, he couldn’t live without her and he had proven that he wasn’t messing around. She had never really believed him until this moment. That someone could love her SO much, that he wanted to marry her and be with her forever. 

“DONT LEAVE HIM HANGING!” A shout exclaimed and she ripped her head to see Kenma waving from the stands, the biggest smile on his face. 

“Oh what the hell-“ she muttered before grinning down at the owl headed volleyball player. “Yes, Koutarou I’ll marry you!” 

The loudest cheer echoed throughout the court as Bokuto slipped the ring on her finger before swinging her into his arms and kissing her hard in front of everyone. 

Once he FINALLY finished his kiss, he stepped back and she placed a small kiss on his cheek and whispered in his ear. “Also, I’m pregnant.” 

His eyebrows went as wide as ever seen them as he knelt down and muzzled his face into my stomach. “SHES PREGNANT!” He whispered loudly and a chorus of “What’s?!” 

Everyone in the friend group raised an eyebrow. 

“SHES GOING TO MARRY ME AND HAVE MY BABY!” He shouted, ONCE AGAIN spinning his fiancé around and a chorus of laughter echoed as everyone approached to over congratulations. 

“PUT ME DOWWWWWWWWWWWN!” She cried and giggled as everything began to settle down. 

There was a time she wanted to die and had very nearly succeeded; but thanks to the bright eyed owl man who barreled his way into her life one random day- she lived to see her life play out in a way she never imagined. 

And she couldn’t be more grateful; he had given her a reason to live.


	11. [The End]

I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did. 💙

This series is now complete.


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